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Zebras Amongst the Tigers
Weaned on the teat of supersonic lefthand reefs since their surfing birth, Geordies and East Coast surfers have a fierce regional pride. By necessity of terrific flat spells, we also have to be global travellers too, sort of like black and white missionaries hailing the joys of Gazza, Keegan and now Shearer. And what better place to visit than the true spiritual home of lefthand reefs, Indonesia. And so it was organised for a team of Tynemouth’s finest to test their skills in the perfection of Plengkung National Park and the world renowned reef at Grajagan.
From various locations the Geordie Galactico’s met up in early June for the scheduled trip. Jesse Davies flew in from survey missions in Angola, Gabe and Lauren from their art deco maison in Hossegor, Jug from the land-locked oil trading floors of Switzerland, and the rest dragged out of the Turk's Head pub on Tynemouth’s Front Street.
The Galacticos
Stephen ‘Hurricane’ Hudson
Super stylish Tynemouth Surf Co. magnate and general keeper of the local surf community.
John Stores
Along with brother Davey, the Stores brothers are like regional royalty, and if there was a Tynemouth Hui, John would be the honary Chief. An Indo veteran of much respect with a powerful forehand hack.
JUG
The gone but not forgotten man of Geordie surfing, Andrew ‘Jug’ Cahill now resides in Switzerland rolling in oil industry coin. The ex-hellraiser still holds legendary status for surfing the biggest waves attempted at the East Coast’s premier reef.
Owain Davies
Tynemouth’s favourite pirate, ‘O Dog’ has stepped out of his brothers’ shadows into the role as the king of his younger generation. Idolised by the youth for his off-beat style and hair choice Owain is heading for Falmouth and a spell as an art critic.
Gabe Davies
Impossibly gifted tuberider and big wave afficionado, Gabe quietly goes about the business of being a Geordie surf superstar. Now a Hossegor resident, Gabe has single-handedly showed us all what is possible on the East Coast reefs.
Lauren McCrossan / Davies
So much more than back rubber and board caddy to Tynemouths favourite son, Gabe’s significant other is a successful author, and rat hater, who’s new novel ‘Water Wings’ will be in stores for a very reasonable price at the end of the year.
Jesse Davies
Like King Kong in the wrong body, Jesse defies physics and is the most ‘core’ of the Tynemouth Malloys! An absolute huge wave maniac who loves nothing more than surfing silly sized or shaped waves in solitude.
Stu Norton
Inked up photo pimp and fish eye fan! Passionate North East local and great surfer to boot.
Dave Wilkinson
Davo actually hails from the dark side of Tyne, meaning South Shields. Built like a Gladiator, Davo lifts fireplaces for a living and is a part time talkaholic.
Richard Clark
Dicky to his mates; so Richard to you! Recently changed quiver after a life as a longboarder. The broadest speaker of the bunch and definitely the most thirsty.
Joel Gray
School teacher, surf coach, snowboard Instructor and full time handsome Geordie. Unquestionably the finest natural footer amongst the crew.
THE JOURNEY
The journey to G-Land is killer. Just like a home FA Cup loss to Sunderland. You are picked up from your digs in Kuta at about 10 in the evening and squeezed into a hot mini mini bus. 10 hours and two boat legs later you arrive at the camp in eastern Java feeling like you have ran the whole way whilst listening to the ‘best’ of Celine Dion, physically and mentally numb.
On our pick up we found that Dicky and Hurricane had continued from the previous night's bender, where our group had a messy night amongst the Arak and free flowing Bintang of Kuta and Sanur, avoiding the tricky open six foot deep sewer holes and even trickier Benchong’s (Lady Boys).
Most of the journey was spent moaning or groaning in discomfort until the first glimpse of the wave came on the final hour long boat ride from the village of Grajagan. With eyes caked in sleep, cotton wool heads, and tizer coloured dehydrated piss it was difficult to tell what the waves were like. Seeing G-Land for the first time was a lot like coming face to face with a celebrity. You recognise it but there are slight differences from the solid images in your head. As a young lad I remember meeting Gazza and thought the whole thing a bit weird as he looked nowt like on the telly or from the terraces of the Gallowgate. And so too as we approached G-Land from the west, looking up the reef and into the waves. She looked full of waves, angry and fast, with few suggestions of the ruler straight lines in my mind's eye. It is only when you are on the shore and looking at it front on that G-Land looks so special and oh-so-recognisable. Distinct from all others in its size, speed and length, the reef stretches two kilometres and lefthanders break the whole length of it. From the reef's nose and the first section of Kong’s, down through Money Trees, then Fangs, then Launching Pads, then Speedies and then finally the wave peetering out around the corner at Chickens.
Day 1
Once on shore you are instantly in the jungle proper and within the fisrt 20 metres we were attracted by a couple of huge monkeys bombing through the canopy having a noisy game of chasey. All sorts of squeeky and clak-clak noises were blended in with some funny pungent smells. “Is that the smell of skunk?” inquired Owain.
Our welcome to G-Land Jungle Camp was with an Indo classic of fruit juice and pancakes. We were then shown to our rooms. Being VIP’s we had the top class accommodation, which is basically a series of five bungalows on the edge of the camp. A sort of cul-de-sac like off Brookside but with Geordie accents. In fact anyone wandering through may have thought they were in Scotswood or Benwell and we christened our new home Byker Grove. We unpacked our surfboards, Gucci shoes, Prada knitwear and freshly ironed Toon tops and started getting familiar with things. Lauren discovered that her bungalow already had a tenant as a rat ran straight over her foot on the way to the bathroom.
Our first surf that afternoon was tentative, feeling out this legend. Asking some questions and getting some answers. Sets were solid overhead and it was really clean, everyone opting to surf around the Money Trees section, with the first of many barrels going down. Initial group reactions pointed towards the similarity with our own East Coast favourite. A little faster down the line but with a much more straightforward take off allowing for an easier barrel set-up. Jug got credit for being the first to catch a wave and Jesse claimed the first barrel award. Satisfied with our first day I relaxed into some Kenny Rogers and went to sleep thinking of what the next day would bring.
Day 2
Music creates the mood and this morning bungalow number one rocked to the lively sounds of Mos Eisley, Newcastle’s under-funded hip rock trio. With nervous virginal excitement still fresh for the wave we headed for the early at Kongs. Jesse was as ever the dawn commander, waking us a little after five, having already watched a few sets go in and analysing the conditions. Too easy! Java time is one hour behind Bali and this means that daylight squirts along a little after five in the morning. This coupled with the fact that an onshore usually fluffs the waves a little between 7 and 10 means there are few takers for the early surf, and most mornings us Geordies had it to ourselves.
The rest of day two was spent surfing and eating. The swell had dropped a little in size and the day was a little like that ‘Dirty’ song by Christina Aguilera. Good for some fun but not exactly what you’d like to be remembered with at your funeral. The biggest laugh of the day came at dinner when Jug asked “Are you expecting rain, like?” to a bemused Aussie wearing a raincoat for mozzie protection.
Day 3
All of the three camps at Grajagan are now placed at least 100 metres back from the beach due to new laws. This means it can take a while for people in their camps to realise there has been a change in conditions. So day three started small, but a late afternoon surge caught many unaware and those in the water had a blinder.
Sure as spring turns to summer, so does low tide become high and with it Speedies comes to life. Out of a reef with a number of princely sections, Speedies is the true king. This last section of reef is much shallower and maybe a bit more defined, and the sets break with super tight regularity and throw out ‘just like Pipe.’ It was this day that we got our true sampling of rocking G-Land and Tina Turners cheesy classic ‘Simply the Best’ is probably suitably associated with the afternoon session for all that were involved that afternoon. Hoots greeted every wave and the vast majority of the six foot plus swells hit thick and shallow, offering up deep throated barrels and bad beatings. Gabe claimed the Rambo award for getting first blood, all over his back, Jug wiped away the last few land-locked Swiss years with a couple of screamers and I got one I’m still smiling about now. Jess got a couple on his 7’8” where he was deeper than a Mujehadeen hideout cave. Lauren spent the time watching on the boat in the channel, proudly clapping, ‘That’s my husband,’ every time Gabe threaded another gem. Oh, and Owain got the Johnny Boy award for his exuberant claim after threading a deep monster. A textbook double handed closed fist bicep pump easily outdid all competitors.
Day 4
“Hisss, grrr, Hisss.” Myself and Stu were woken at three in the morning by an awful animal noise. It sounded like a cat hissing, showing it’s teeth, standing on tip toes with its spine arched. Jesus, It sounded like it was coming from Jug’s bed. Wait a minute, it was and it was Jug himself making the noises. For some reason Jug thought showing his teeth whilst hissing and randomly spitting in the direction of the door would scare whatever was there. He thought it was a monkey when in actual fact Davo had popped out for a piss and was now stood outside wondering what the hell was going on inside. A normal night in the jungle!
After a comfortable morning surf and belly filling breakfast the crew at Byker Grove had some down time fixing dings and mopping up reef cuts to the sounds of Neil Young. Surely that old hippy would have been happy hanging out at the Jungle Camp for a while, where fun and interest comes primarily from the land and the sea. The great jungle you live amongst and the great waves you refresh in. At times you definitely feel you're out in the wild, like when Gabe and Lauren were stopped in their tracks by a couple of beefy inquisitive monkeys. Or when Dicky and Hurricane were woken by a small jungle cat wandering around the inside of their room, or the numerous snake trails and paw prints that outnumber the human footprints on the sand. All up we saw jungle cats, snakes, sea snakes, spiders, scorpions, small barking deer, monkeys, massive geckos, lizards, Australians, and even a weird American called Marrow. In many ways there is little difference from the early days when Lopez, Boyum and the boys first started their missions here. The constant jungle noise, the perpetual cicada buzz and tooting birds and branches bending with the weight of monkeys is the same, as are the waves. But this morning my mid-morning Neil Young relaxation session was interrupted by the tooting of a car horn, and I’m sure the early pioneers didn’t psyche up for the ‘arvo’ with a chilled fruit smoothie whilst watching Blue Crush lounging on the mock leather sofas!
What else happened today? We’ll, Jesse got the tube of the trip award for getting at least 10 seconds in the shade on one bomb. Now sit and count that out and appreciate!
Day 5
“Tumbled out of bed and stumbled to the kitchen, I poured myself a cup of ambition, yawned and stretched and tried to come to life. Jumped in the shower and the blood starts pumping, out on the streets the traffic is jumping with folks like me on the job from 9 to 5”(Dolly Parton). By day five we we’re well into a routine as Dolly Parton penned in these classic lyrics. Jesse would get up and check the surf at five, then we’d get some waves before breakfast. Then it was watch a DVD or listen to some music while Owain searched for smelly plants then surf again. Next it was lunchtime and a quick rub down of reef cuts before surfing with the setting sun. We’d then load up on mozzy repellent, have our malaria tablets with our regulation three Bintangs, eat some food, play pool or watch a movie with a couple more cold ones before an early bed.
There was a little break with routine today as it was actually onshore most of the day and lightly raining. The sun did poke its head out in the late afternoon and myself and Jug decided to get a few late ones. Paddling out through the key hole rip between Kong’s and Money Trees, the low setting sun reflected nicely in the nail polish still remnant from the full body massage and manicure warmly received in Kuta six days previous. Kong’s is a funny wave and quite different from the other sections of the reef and until you are out there you can’t really tell what it is like. Swells hit the Kongs section more straight on, causing them to break a little bigger and roll in more than grind along the reef. After a poor day of onshores Kong’s lit up for us. Meaty walls asking to be thwacked and cut. And this is typical of the ‘Great Waves’, as even on a relatively poor day you can have a ball-tearingly good time – we did.
Day 6
After a morning flying along the quick and thick walls of the first section at low tide Money Trees, we all settled back to watch Kill Bill 2 whilst being served lunch by the main man Hendi. Now Hendi is a top bloke and a good example of what our surfer's cash gives to Indonesia. Hendi is the number one waiter dude at Jungle Camp and without doubt one of the most stoked guys there, and he doesn’t even surf. Every drink is delivered with a ‘I hope you enjoy your drink my friend,’ and every order received with a smile, even for the Americans! No doubt Hendi isn’t on mega bucks but he’s getting paid to do something he enjoys. Once a month he gets a week to visit his family in his village of Banyuwangi on the edge of the National Park, and he hopes to return next season. This is his first year working at the camp and who knows what he would be doing if it wasn’t for surfers desire for perfect waves served with fresh fruit smoothies and pancakes.
A wave of nausea passed through the camp after lunch. Nothing to do with any food or water Hendi had been serving, but due to the news that an Aussie guy had just split his head open at low tide Money Trees. Stealth photo hound Stu Norton was first on the scene and takes up the tale.
“It was low tide and I was packing up out on the reef after shooting the lads at Money’s. This older Aussie guy wanders past and starts to wade into the water, not in the usual keyhole paddle out spot. About two minutes and a set later he comes out half running across the reef totally covered in blood clutching his head with his board just dragging. I blasted over with Lauren and as he took his hand off his head a whole piece of his scalp sort of fell down, leaving a hole the size of a quid coin with 2 massive splits, one going across the side of his forehead and the other up into his hair. I took off my Carve T shirt and tied it around his head and told him to press. It was totally sick I tell you!”
From there the five times G-Land veteran and practicing lifeguard was taken back to the camp. He had got pounded into the reef trying to duck dive. Luckily a travelling dentist seemed to know what to do, stitching him up 34 times and reassuring him for three hours before the Medivac helicopter arrived and flew him out of the jungle.
Day 7
Day 7 is basically the travel-back day. Time for a few last glances, ‘Terimah Kasih’s’ and the throwing of stuff into boardbags. The journey back was eased as we could all chat about the waves we had, increasing the size, depth and length of our own barrels with every telling. All of us agreed that G-Land has the best waves we have ever surfed, better even than our own gem. G-Land is still arguably the best wave in the world despite fashion and surfboard changes over the years. Breaks such as Malibu, Makaha and Waikiki have dropped out of the league replaced by places such as the Mentawaii’s, Chopes and South Fistral but G-Land is still there as challenging as ever. In many ways there is a striking similarity to our very own Alan Shearer. Yes, prettier boys pop up and have a great season or two and some great matches but Wor Al puts his head down and does the business day in, day out all season. Grajagan and Shearer, we salute you!!
And so finally after what seemed like weeks away we were back to Bali and Kuta where surfers and tourism in general seems to be demanding rows of shops selling t-shirts screaming, ‘show me your tits’, ‘osama don’t surf’ and ‘fuck terrorism’. Amongst all this there are people smiling, just like Hendi, but offering all sorts from hash, ‘Bling Bling’ copy watches, ladies or ladyboys, lighters with green flames that say ‘fuck off’ and even trips to G-Land. You can get all sorts on the streets of Kuta. Some things more worthwhile than others, as us Geordies found out in June. Yes, in this moccachino and brunch dominated world it’s a joy that places like G-Land still exist. Where Bali coffee, delivered sweet and black and filtered through the teeth satisfies so basically.
Quotes
‘Ive never seen any more perfect waves than that.’ Jug
‘It’s not bad like’ John Stores
‘If you want to get the longest best left hand barrel of your life, this is the place I would come’ Gabe
“Best left I’ve ever surfed. People say it’s like a reverse J-Bay, but it’s ten times better than that.’ Jesse
‘It’s geet(very) heavy and shallow for a bigger wave.’ O Dog
“You're either going to get a lush barrel or a total pounding.” Jess
“It’s your round. Get me two large Bintangs!” Dicky
“How cool is this place, the jungle, waves and everything?” Stephen
“Are you expecting rain?” Jug (said to a bemused aussie wearing a rain coat to protect against mozzies)
“Monkeys, where’s the monkeys?” Davo
Foreign Office
We advise against all non-essential travel to Indonesia. There is a high general threat from terrorism in Indonesia. We continue to receive information that indicates terrorists are planning further attacks, including against Westerners, throughout the country. If you are already in Indonesia you should consider leaving if your presence is not essential. If you choose to remain in Indonesia you should exercise extreme caution in public places such as, but not limited to, hotels, nightclubs, bars, restaurants, shopping malls, outdoor recreational areas, public and commercial buildings, transport terminals, and places of worship.
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