Shout "Oi, Fatso! That was my wave!" after being dropped-in on by a large local man in black shorts at Velzyland, Hawaii. Result: instant beating.
Crash your motorbike into a holy cow in Bali. Result: sold into slavery to pay for the cow.
Offer your opinion to the locals at Palos Verdes that they're a bunch of over-privileged rich kids who should shut up and share their spots with all the other surfers in southern California. Result: instant beating, consequent endless lawsuits and counter claims.
Surf one of the village-owned reefs in Western Samoa on a Sunday, without the elders' permission. Result: cursed, beaten and run off the island.
Run over a pig in Papua New Guinea. Result: eaten.
Turn up at Easky with 20 of your mates in a van, play loud techno music non-stop and refuse to drink anything but lager. Result: treated with contempt, dropped-in on, and added to the list of fools who think that surfing in Ireland is just like surfing in Newquay or Croyde.
Criticise Ayrton Senna's driving ability while out drinking in Brazil. Result: abducted, chopped up and sold on the internal organs market.
Transgress the 'No touching' rule in the Club Fem Nu in Waikiki. Result: immediate ejection from the premises by big men in suits using 'acceptable levels of force', then a long plane ride home nursing multiple fractures.
Refuse to pay a $20 'speeding ticket' when asked to by Mexican federales. Result: beating, imprisonment, theft of all your possessions, and quadrupling of the original fine.
Publicly theorising all Aussies are the mongrel spawn of British convicts in an Australian bar. Result: Heated argument with a bunch of blokes all named Shane, followed by a severe beating with pool cues and broken VB bottles.